Author: Jessica Taylor

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Problem Solving: Relationship with your Manager

While developing the best solution for a problem may be very challenging and complex, the process you should follow is quite simple; First you have to figure out the source or cause of the problem, then you explore solutions, act on the best solution and review and evaluate whether you’ve been successful. Be methodical, no ‘ready, shoot, aim’.

Let’s explore an example: You have significant and concerning issue with your manager. You think they are unfairly judging you and you fear it will have impact on your career path.

First, ask your manager for a meeting where they can provide you with feedback on your performance. If they ask why it is necessary, you need to use your judgement.  If there was a ‘blow up’ event, explain you want to discuss that event. If there was no big event, but a smaller series of comments that disturb you, just say you think it would be productive to check-in as you want to assure you are performing up to their expectations. Your goal is to give them time to prepare for the meeting, but you don’t want to start explaining all of your issues and concerns before you get a chance to hear their point of view.  For all you know, they think very highly of you, and you are attributing value to their comments other than what they intended.

At the meeting, don’t react or defend yourself.  Simply listen. Ask them if it’s ok for you to take notes and assuming it is ok, write down what they say. Tell them you want some time to think about their feedback and suggest that you will set up a meeting in a couple of days to continue the conversation. I appreciate it may be difficult to just listen, but you don’t want to react with emotion or give them the impression that you are arguing with them on each point.

Take each item and really think about it. Can you see their point of view?  If not, is it because they have incorrect information? Do you have tangible evidence that they are mistaken? Did they provide examples or evidence that gave you context for their concerns? Did that help put it in perspective? Can you see their point of view? If you still disagree, can you craft a response, with examples, so you can influence their opinion or point of view? Should you change your behavior? Can you put together a plan of action to remediate the valid issues? Can you craft a dialogue to productively challenge them on areas where you don’t agree with their point of view so you can influence them to change their point of view?

Set up a follow-up meeting.  Thank them for their feedback and tell them that you have spent some time thinking about it and you want to share your views.  Start with areas where you agree with their feedback and tell them what you are going to do to address it.  Gain their consensus. Now tackle the areas where you want to express your alternative point of view.  Be calm, don’t attack, do your best not to put them on the defensive.  Present your examples or evidence and use your influencing skills to assure they hear you. Agree on a plan of action with your manager to address the areas of development and agree to check in on progress.

My experience has proven that many staff members who start off thinking that they are being unfairly judged, haven’t put the time into thinking about acknowledging and resolving the issues.  They just react, deny and defend.  Perhaps the manager is wrong or mistaken, but they best way to resolve this is with facts, examples and open dialogue.

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Problem Solving: Teamwork

While developing the best solution for a problem may be very challenging and complex, the process you should follow is quite simple; First you have to identify what the problem is and figure out the source or cause, then you develop solutions, act on the best solution and review and evaluate whether you’ve been successful. Be methodical, no ‘ready, shoot, aim’.

Let’s explore an example: You are leading a team that is not operating at maximum effectiveness as members aren’t getting along. You know some of the symptoms; team members are arguing or splitting into factions that don’t communicate with each other, team members are going off and performing functions without letting others know what they’re doing, etc. What to do?

First you figure out the source of the problem.  I would start by talking to team members.  I would ask them open questions that are not judgmental; How do you think the team works together? Find out what they think the issues are. Don’t ask leading questions like “Do you think Bob is the source of all the tension?” rather determine if they think there is tension and then ask “What do you think is the source of the tension?” Most importantly, don’t put anyone on the defensive.  Try not to ask yes or no questions, you will get more information with open-ended questions. Also, while you should acknowledge the information you are receiving, don’t openly agree with the person so that they feel you are siding with them which could in turn cause more conflict if they repeat to other team members that you’re on their side. I knew managers that took on the views of the last person they spoke with every time, so people would angle to talk to them last. Your goal should be to objectively gather information from all points of view and then objectively analyze it.  Separate out the information that is consistent across the majority of people from the outlier information.  Look for the themes.  Draw your own conclusions about what the source or cause of the problem is. Think through possible solutions.

I would next bring the team together.  I would discuss a summary of the information I received.  Assure that you do not attribute information to any one person or include information where all will know who it came from, as this could prove divisive.  You need to walk a fine line here and use your judgement.  Now that the team has a view of the issues, ask them to brainstorm possible solutions.  If they can develop and own the solution as a team it will be more productive.  If at some point it becomes obvious that they cannot resolve as a team, end the session and re-think how you want to proceed.  You may need to make the decision on your own, especially if it includes removing a member of the team.

Once you’ve arrived at a decision about how to proceed, communicate to the team and execute the solution. Assure you manage the process so you can made adjustments to the solution if need be.  After a reasonable amount of time, check in to see if the problem is really resolved and if not, you may need to reconsider whether you mis-read the problem, or need to adjust the solution.

Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open, use your judgement, be fair and open minded, appreciate that if it was easy you likely wouldn’t have had to get involved in the first place!

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Are you an Individual Contributor or a Team Lead?

While some people can work productively either as an individual contributor or as an integral member or leader of a team, many people have a preference or predisposition towards one or the other.  In some companies, there is a perception that unless you are on a career track that results in a team lead or manager role, you will limit your eligibility for advancement, promotion or earning more money. As a result, many people aspire to these roles regardless of their capability or real preference.  In fact, I have seen very qualified, technical people fail when put in team lead roles.  After proving their skills as individual contributors, a manager concludes that if they can perform the work well, they can lead others.  In fact, the skills required to perform work activities do not always equate to the skills required of a manager or leader. In response to this, many companies have technical and management tracks to assure both worker types can achieve success.

While most people don’t like to be pigeon-holed or limited, in reality, some of us are natural team leaders and managers, and others of us thrive as individual contributors.  In fact, there are many personality traits tests that can help you to understand your inherent pre-dispositions.  They do not judge you or indicate that one personality type is better or worse than another, they merely help you to understand what comes naturally to you versus what you many need to adjust to be more successful in different roles or environments. 

What I found, was that if there was a goal I was determined to achieve, and I could identify the characteristics and skills required to successfully achieve the goal, I could determine whether I was capable of achieving the goal. How far out of my comfort zone did I want to push myself in order to achieve the goal?  In some cases, I found that some of the activities that caused me initial discomfort became more natural over time, and in other cases I would always feel like an imposter.  Most importantly, I learned enough about myself and the difference between my perceived and actual boundaries, that I didn’t put myself in situations where I was doomed to fail, or would be so miserable in my quest for success that it simply wasn’t worth it.

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Individual versus Team Sports

There are some team sports where the team members need to effectively work together to play the game, for example soccer, basketball or football.  Each member of the team has a primary function. The Quarterback in Football is responsible for throwing or handling off the ball, but that individual needs teammates who are capable of catching the ball or running to the end zone, in order for the team to score points and win. Even if the quarterback chooses to run the ball himself, he needs the other members of his team to block for him to assure he can run unimpeded.

There are other sports where the team members are primarily individual contributors. They can win their individual event even if the team doesn’t win overall.  Examples include runners in track, wrestlers, or ‘singles’ tennis players. 

In fact, in many of the individual contributor sports, the athlete must compete against his or her teammates to achieve a seeding which affects whether they even get to compete.  In many wrestling matches only one athlete per weight class gets to compete.  In Tennis the seeding determines who plays whom in a match and the person ranked the best has an advantage.

How important is team spirit and cohesiveness in sports where there is motivation to compete against and beat your own teammates to assure you can participate in competition?  From my perspective, someone who has played both types of sports, it is extremely important! 

When members of a team support one another, whether it be through cheering them on to beat an opponent, or consoling them if they lose, it improves the team members motivation and spirit.  When the whole team is together, travelling to an away meet or after the event in the locker room, it is the team cohesiveness that will lend positive support to those who won and most importantly, those who lost.  If a track or wrestling team is at a meet, in addition to the individuals winning or losing their individual events, there is usually a team score, and a team that wins the meet.  The joy and exhilaration of being part of the winning team is much greater than simply winning an individual event.  It’s the difference between celebrating alone or celebrating with your mates.  It’s also the difference between being alone after a loss, or having the support of your mates to lessen the pain of the loss.

These concepts translate to business in that there are both teams and individual contributors at work.  This will be the subject of another snippet!

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Teamwork in Business

I was at an executive management conference years ago with senior leadership from all divisions of the company.  There were Bankers, Traders, Fund managers, Lawyers, Accountants, and Technologists, all successful people with a variety of skillsets and strong opinions. At one point, an argument broke out with proclamations that the skills and values of one department were superior to that of the other departments. The people in relationship roles argued they were superior to the people in technical roles, those in revenue generating roles were more critical to the success of the business than those in non-revenue roles etc.  Of course, the architects of the conference provoked this conversation as they knew that it was critical to the success of the firm that we come together as a cohesive team.   

After listening to this banter, I chimed in and pointed out that we were all part of the management team, and like every successful team, the members had different, however complimentary skill-sets.  I described a soccer team which had similar dynamics.  If you asked a member of the offense, she would take credit for the win, she scored the winning goal, she got the headlines in the news. If you asked a member of the defense, she would proclaim that she was responsible for stopping the other team from scoring goals. She got an assist when she fed the ball directly to the foot of the offensive player who scored the goal.

For a team to be successful, it requires skill and capability in all positions, and most importantly, it requires the teammates to work together, cover for one another, pass to one another, talk to one another. All positions play a crucial role towards the win and must operate effectively with one another for the team to win.

Similarly, in business, people with complimentary skillsets are necessary for the business to be successful and must work together for the business to achieve its success goals.

So, the next time you are comparing your skills to other team members, and think you are better than your teammates who have different skills or play a different role on the team, think twice about whether both skills or roles are required for the team to be successful.  Assure you show appreciation for different capabilities, don’t treat teammates with different skills as lesser than you, there’s a good chance that without them, you wouldn’t be successful. 

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Do you like/dislike Sports Analogies?

Often in conversation or meetings, someone will use a sports analogy to get his point across.  When this happens, what’s your reaction?  Do you like or dislike sports analogies? If you dislike them, how come?  Ask yourself these questions;

  • What do you dislike about sports analogies?
  • Do they make you feel uncomfortable? What do you think causes the discomfort? Is that your reaction to all analogies or just certain categories of analogies?
  • Do you simply not understand what point the person is making due to lack of knowledge about the subject matter? Would you consider learning more about the subject matter?
  • Do you tune out and then don’t feel part of the conversation?
  • Do you feel as a female that you are left out, especially if the analogy seems designed to relate to men more than woman?
  • Does it seem to be making others uncomfortable also? What do the people who feel as you do have in common with you?

So now that you have an idea what is the cause of your dislike or discomfort, you can consider what to do about it.

  • Do you feel comfortable telling the person making the analogy your feelings or concerns? If not, why?
  • Would it be more effective to tell him in the moment, or afterwards when you’ve had a chance to consider how best to explain your concerns or can do so in private?
  • Do others share your point of view?  If so, should you include them in the discussion?
  • Will it make a productive difference to discuss it?  What are you hoping to accomplish?
  • As you think through what you didn’t like about the analogy, is there something you should change in your own behavior or reaction? 

You should voice your concerns to people when they say or do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, but before you do, it may be productive to think through the situation and what you hope to achieve.  If you are concerned that raising the issue could negatively impact you in some way, seek someone’s advice for how best to proceed, either a mentor, manager or HR professional. Before discussing, you should always assure you understand the reason or source of your reaction so you can address the real underlying issue.  Also, when you do discuss with the person who shared the offending analogy, assure you communicate in a productive, non-confrontational manner as it will increase the likelihood that you have a productive outcome. 

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The importance of values in the quest for fulfillment

Last summer (2018) I was in a state of turmoil.  I retired in January after 35 years of 50-60-hour work weeks. I had finished organizing the basement (shredding paystubs from 1984), renovating the gardens (ripping out overgrown bushes) and was fighting the urge to take the easy way forward and just go back to a corporate job. I did the ‘what do I love doing’ exercise and concluded that the work activity I received the most satisfaction from was managing and mentoring staff. After considering different roles that would allow me to gain similar satisfaction, I decided it was time to pursue Executive Coaching, recognizing it is different from managing and mentoring, but believing it would be an evolution leveraging my past experience. I enrolled in the Rutgers ICF certification program and started educating myself on various techniques while waiting for the class to start.

I also decided to get involved with Youth Soccer. Soccer ticked a couple of boxes; involvement with community, engagement with a sport I loved, opportunity to be outside and get exercise.  Having played in college and watched my kids play team sports for 12 years, I figured refereeing would be easy and fulfilling. I passed the online test and field certification in October, which left time to only ref one game before the Fall ’18 season ended.  It was way more difficult than I expected. Feeling defeated, I decided to suck it up and appreciate that we can’t always be perfect at new things the first time we do them.  Spring 2019 arrived.  It rained 5 out of the 7 Sundays. I bought a lot of waterproof gear.  I gained confidence and skill as the season progressed, but for some reason I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I anticipated.  Fall arrived.  I decided to give it another go. The weather was beautiful, I wasn’t getting yelled at (as much) by parents or coaches, and yet I found myself questioning whether I should get re-certified for 2020. 

Funny thing is I wasn’t ‘feeling it’ but didn’t know why.  I decided to play ‘coach’ with myself and ask provocative questions. My ICF training told me that the answer could be found within me, I just needed to pick up the right rock.  Then it came to me. When I thought about my values, the one that has always been dominant is the love of being on a team. When you referee, especially U10 where you are the only referee, you are not part of the team.  I kept wanting to help coach the kids, but that would be seen as a conflict.  There was one team where the coaches had no clue how to instruct the defense.  I had to keep quiet, it was not my role as I needed to be totally impartial and not help one team over another.  Then I had a ‘connect the dots moment’ and l realized I hated being on the ‘outside’ of the team. I had a similar feeling while a Management Consultant at EY. As a consultant, I was on the ‘outside’ of the client team (the discontent that led me to join MS).

This is why Values coaching is so important.  Before one embarks on an activity, there should be a sanity check that is in line with your values.  Yes, refereeing ticked some of the boxes (giving back), but not ‘being part of a team’ which is a critical value for me.  I also realized that to be fulfilled as a Leadership Coach, I need to be ‘on the team’ with my clients to feel fulfilled.  This should not be a problem.  Without realizing the importance to me, whenever I met with a new client, I told them ‘I am on your team’.  I say that to assure the client that our conversations are about ‘them’ and ‘their goals’, and so it is critical that they guide the engagement. I wasn’t thinking that being part of the client’s team would be really important for my fulfillment also, but now I appreciate how important that is and will continue to be.    

All that said, I decided to get re-certified and continue to referee. Now that I know what is missing, I have a different perspective, and will hopefully enjoy it for the values it does fulfill.