While developing the best solution for a problem may be very challenging and complex, the process you should follow is quite simple; First you have to figure out the source or cause of the problem, then you explore solutions, act on the best solution and review and evaluate whether you’ve been successful. Be methodical, no ‘ready, shoot, aim’.
Let’s explore an example: You have significant and concerning issue with your manager. You think they are unfairly judging you and you fear it will have impact on your career path.
First, ask your manager for a meeting where they can provide you with feedback on your performance. If they ask why it is necessary, you need to use your judgement. If there was a ‘blow up’ event, explain you want to discuss that event. If there was no big event, but a smaller series of comments that disturb you, just say you think it would be productive to check-in as you want to assure you are performing up to their expectations. Your goal is to give them time to prepare for the meeting, but you don’t want to start explaining all of your issues and concerns before you get a chance to hear their point of view. For all you know, they think very highly of you, and you are attributing value to their comments other than what they intended.
At the meeting, don’t react or defend yourself. Simply listen. Ask them if it’s ok for you to take notes and assuming it is ok, write down what they say. Tell them you want some time to think about their feedback and suggest that you will set up a meeting in a couple of days to continue the conversation. I appreciate it may be difficult to just listen, but you don’t want to react with emotion or give them the impression that you are arguing with them on each point.
Take each item and really think about it. Can you see their point of view? If not, is it because they have incorrect information? Do you have tangible evidence that they are mistaken? Did they provide examples or evidence that gave you context for their concerns? Did that help put it in perspective? Can you see their point of view? If you still disagree, can you craft a response, with examples, so you can influence their opinion or point of view? Should you change your behavior? Can you put together a plan of action to remediate the valid issues? Can you craft a dialogue to productively challenge them on areas where you don’t agree with their point of view so you can influence them to change their point of view?
Set up a follow-up meeting. Thank them for their feedback and tell them that you have spent some time thinking about it and you want to share your views. Start with areas where you agree with their feedback and tell them what you are going to do to address it. Gain their consensus. Now tackle the areas where you want to express your alternative point of view. Be calm, don’t attack, do your best not to put them on the defensive. Present your examples or evidence and use your influencing skills to assure they hear you. Agree on a plan of action with your manager to address the areas of development and agree to check in on progress.
My experience has proven that many staff members who start off thinking that they are being unfairly judged, haven’t put the time into thinking about acknowledging and resolving the issues. They just react, deny and defend. Perhaps the manager is wrong or mistaken, but they best way to resolve this is with facts, examples and open dialogue.